Decemberishnesses

     For whatever reason, I've been avoiding writing.  I suppose I know why and then I still wonder.  Do I avoid because I don't want the readers to know things, or do I not want to have to speak in smoke and mirrors...attaching meanings so that only the people they are meant for are able to pick up on the nuiances or subtle feelings?  Regardless, overdo this is, so I had better get it down.

     My 4 children are legally mine every Thanksgiving.  I gave them all the choice to stay in San Antonio and have the 'big family' holiday they are used to, or they could come to Houston where various friends had invited us to do various things.  My Chris (17 on 12/7) and Patrick (16 in April) wanted to come with me, while Caitlin (13 in March) and Braeden (11 in August) stayed in SA.  The boys and I didn't miss the continuous fighting of the youger 2.  I guess it isn't that bad, I mean, they only fight when they're awake.  Everyone had a good time and it was very nice to have 'guy time' with my boys.  The whole crew will be here this weekend, 4th-6th, and they will come the day after Christmas for several days.

     Ok, so there was a friend who recently made the comment to me about it being their time to disappear.  As you stay in the shadows, know I am pulling for you and your success.  You are doing the right thing, and you hopefully will choose a different path than I was forced to.   For what it's worth, I have tried to be somewhat 'less accessable', but there are ways around that.  Keep fighting the good fight and you will surely succeed where I failed.  The words we have pastly spoken will always define the people we are.  Enjoy where you are, for one day you'll find..."You're gonna miss this...you're gonna want this back."  Of course, this is a reference to the crazy life-stage you find yourself in.  I imagine you'll appreciate the month to come with fresh eyes, or I hope that you do.  I am now and forever in your debt.

     I continue to limp along through my financial situation.  The house continues to sit with a realtor wanting to lower the price, which can't happen.  I continue to communicate with my mortgage company attempting to keep the place another month.  That being said, there was a bit of a Christmas miracle from some friends, they are the parents of my daughter's bestie.  As I talked to them that night, tears rolling down my face, words and 'thank you's become so cliche.  No one wants to be the charity case...the one having to ask for help or be put in the position of receiving without asking.  I wrote the wife a note on FB, and she responded and made a reference to God.  Didn't grow up in church, accepted Christ in college, churched w/ my x to the point that I was a Baptist Deacon in the mid/late 90's.  Have struggled with that relationship for about 10 years now....thats a different blog.  So, who am I to try to give advice to anyone about asking for/accepting help, right?  Right!  Yet, there I am with a dear friend needing help, me already doing the little that I could do to help.  I continue to learn there is the pride that you hide behind, that keeps you from asking for help.  There is also the pride that you have to have that enables you to reach out to the ones you can because you have to.  I know how bad that sucks.  We'd all rather be in the position of the giver/helper than the one in need, but I am continually reminded of the Apolo 13 scene with Tom Hanks..."You never know the events that'll transpire to get you home."

     This day I spent in an administrator cohort.  That is a really fancy way to say...you are now another week behind at school since you were not there all day.  I met one of my dear friends on the way home for a chicken craving with her adorable daughter...love them tons.  Came home and applied some social lubricants and computed as I texted with a different dear friend.  I went to bed at 8:00 and got back up at midnight.  It's 1:13am as I write.  I have actually gone the last three nights without any sleep-aids.  I'll get a few more hours sleep when I finish this.  I think I know why I'm sleeping better.......  I have Stevie Nicks playing in the background as I work on this.  She's one gypsy queen that makes me feel closer to another gypsy queen.  I wish I could do more to help.  As you told me, one step at a time.  Remember when you told me that?  Be patient, take situations one step at a time.  None of us have any other choice.   Whatever tomorrow holds for you or me...one thing at a time, one step at a time.  "Can you handle the seasons of your life"....."I want to see your reflection in the snow-covered hills."

Unconditionally,
I Love You.
dave