Christmas Eve

     I had the privledge of spending last night at a good friends really not doing much but jammin, playin a little Taboo and hangin out.  The highlight of the night had to be one look...in a momement of safety.  One look and two grins.  Also, I was subtlely handed a gift, not to keep but to take care of for a while.  I will guard it with my life and am interested to hear your meaning behind it, although I have my suspicions. 

     It is truely a Christmas eve like I've never experienced before.  I spent the day alone as I will tomorrow.  I had a few invites to crash other folks get togethers, but it seems fitting to be alone.  I didn't have to deal with the huge, crashing waves of depression that I had feared.  The worst part is certainly sitting and fretting about how I'm going to exist financially until Jan 25.  Anyway, I struggled all day with going to Christmas Eve service.  Where I didn't make it, I view it a step in the right direction that I entertained the idea so long.  I heard from Chris tonight.  He was bemoaning going through all the holiday events with the ex's family.  We talked awhile about several things and both felt better.  He is truely a great kid and the one I view as most like his old man.  He has picked up on something that hopefully is a glimpse of the future, and I think he is accepting of that.

     Tomorrow, hopefully, I can make myself do some yardwork.  Luckily I was able to entertain myself today with all day Star Wars movies.  Ok, I'm easily amused.  Mr. Dew spent some time throwing my sock in the air, running and hiding before tearing out to attack it again before flopping down like nothing had happened.  He's good company.  This Christmas I think about many things.  I think about the gifts I have been given...the friends that look after me.  You are the best gifts I could ever hope for.  I hope I can be the friend you need when you need it as you have been for me.  I think about how horrible things are now and imagine what will be one year from now...the house gone one way or another, finally being somewhere final or at least a giant step towards final, being able to get through a month with out white-knuckle fear of not being able to eat, buy gas to get to work and afford the 'luxuries' of water, power with out smoke and mirrors.  Possibly being able to share everything with someone wonderful...

     So, I hope that you all have and will have a wonderful holiday.  I love you all so much!  I am richly blessed by each of you and wish you all the things that you seek for your lives.  Peace...

Unconditionally,
I love you.
dave