The weekend with the kids went well. Got home late Friday with them. Chris went out to do birthday stuff with his crew while Patrick, Caitlin and Braeden watched the first half of Transformers 2. Saturday they all scattered. I enjoyed watching Man U drop 3 points in their own crib...un FREAKIN believeable! That sorta soured the day for me. Don't really remember what I did the rest of the day. All the kids were sleeping over places Sat night, except for Chris. I was thinking about some plans that night, but didn't work out. I remember now...watched movies all day. Sunday we left at noon to take them back to San Antonio. Patrick was extremely suprised by the tickets to WWE that night. We had an awesome time. I left SA at 10:30, hit a gas station for some stuff to stay awake and didn't stop the car again till I was home @ 2:15. Work Monday pretty muched sucked cause I was a zombie, not that there's anything wrong with zombies. You do run across some nice ones from time to time. They all come back the day after Christmas.
Speaking of Christmas. It seems I really have no use for it this year. I suppose that's horrible. Like a friend was telling me today, pay bills or buy presents. Guess I'm not really sure how I'm feeling about things. There is no point in decorating. I don't need any decorations, and I'm the only one here. We get paid Friday, and then its 5 weeks until the next check. I'll go out on a limb there and say that is really going to suck. Pay the house payment or not??? Oh, the house...great news! We are basically being forced to lower the price to a break-even level. Almost 7 years here and I'm not going to walk away with shit, which is really awesome since I had promised my lawyer I'd pay him a lump-sum when the house sold. That and another person I owe some cash to. So, the hits just keep on coming....
I battle everyday with the conflict of what I'm doing, where I'm going. I question one way and then the other. I am constantly looking over both shoulders...watching, wondering about the worst-case senerio. When things seem so real, vivid, ripe and you are constantly reminded about these things. Then I'll wonder, demons do their work, my heart stops, blood runs cold. The days are tough, nights tougher and weekends certainly the toughest. I have no choice but to wait, try to get through another day, another day closer to the goal, another caution lap closer the the green flag. Then, there'll be no slow downs, just letting your hair blow out the window and putting the petal through the floor. Someday soon...
Unconditionally,
I love you.
dave
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