The virtue of being needy

     So, a friend blasted me with the idea that I am 'needy'.   I have wrestled with the idea and am struggleing with my reaction.

     I understand that I am standing in a place where I have never stood.  To finally walk away from the woman I swore to never leave after 20 years has changed me.  I have, still and always will accept my 50% of the blame and responsibility for that, yet now, at 42, I do stand alone.  Having spent so many years dying, I must somehow survive the most difficult days of my life to one day be able to live.  It has been six months since I left her, and without doubt, the help of my friends is the major reason I'm still.  If this means I am 'needy', then I must be.

     Last I checked, I am still human.  Now, many would disagree with the 'human' part, but most of those are students,parents of students or political foes made along the way.  Patience is something none of are good at.  I don't want to wait on......selling this freaking house that I can't make the mortgage payment on....trying to get back on my feet financially......sharing little things with someone special.  We all want it all...... now.

     "You find out who your friends are.  Sombody's gonna drop everything."  When I do for people, it doesn't matter if we're talking about kids, anyone at work or anyone....I'm glad I can do for them.  In the course of writing this entry, it just so happened that I talked to and worked things out with the one that called me needy.  I hold no grudge, yet take the situation as an opportunity to grow.  I have plenty of growing to do.  I look forward to the process.  No growth occurs without pain.  No one likes that part.

     I know this is a painful season of life, no matter when or where it finds you.  To my friends I thank you again, and again ask that you let me disappear from time to time.  I will get through for my kids, my friends, my work...for the one I know exists, whether I know you yet or not and again tell you that I will accept and love you unconditionally.  I will get through for me.  If there was any doubt about that, I would have never left my X.  I would have withered into the acceptance that love and happiness would only be gained through my children.  I look forward to that love and happiness, but I demand that for myself too.  I will find it or it will find me, today or tomorrow, this week or next, with patience or without, needy or not.

Unconditionally,
I love you!
dave