Tuesday

Long, lonely day. Was at my High school half-way through lunches. Then took off to go watch our band compete in UIL contest. They played their best show ever...I was crying real tears, but they got scored 2-1-2. They got jobbed a tad, but you can never be disappointed with your best. Then went to watch our olleyball girls shread some group of wannabees.

Was lonely a lot today. Going back and forth with my X over various issues. She brings me down, but everytime reinforces that I do not want to ever be with her again. So, that led the heart strings to start pulling in directions where I have little promise for the future, yet still share intense bonds. Visions of what I know exists and yet the sort of thing that you never find when you are intently looking. I hate that I am now in the habbit of looking for wedding rings on people's hands, well...mostly ladies hands. Having to jump through all the hoops of getting to know someone is something I look forward to, but hasn't seemed to play out all that well so far. The last thing I seek now is to jump into a serious relationship, but I am so tactile...I long for hand-holding, curling up together, fingers in my hair, snuggeling, sitting and talking under the stars over a bottle of wine, anything on the beach, but mostly just walking together, playing in the water all day, bowling, a movie, cookin in, dancing, whispering in each-other's ears, being moved to poetry, having someone actually care about what you do and go through everyday.

I can only hope there are people like that out there. Like I said, I have seen glimpses with people who were beyond my reach, and where I harbor eternal hope in these situations, reality suggusts that hope is misplaced, energy wasted. Good for now I guess. I hope you are well, as well you should be.

Whatever your condition/unconditionally!
love always...
Dave