It is almost one month since I pushed the send button on an inquiry about a person from my past. That one button has caused untold pain for four people plus untold collateral damage. I have to come to grips with the fact that is was completely my own fault, and I do not know what pain lies ahead for them because of my actions.
All that being true, I must go the day to day carrying intense feelings, feelings that cannot be acted on. We all know that we live our lives, make our decisions and accept the consequences of our actions. I preach this to high schoolers everyday. Above all, I must live by example, and I must choose what to do with the guilt and regret for my part in damaging these lives.
I caught my Ex. is a similar situation allbeit she was seeking out strangers. So, these situations are different....and the same. At this point, what's a little more guilt and condemnation. I accept it willingly and make no excuses for my actions. "I'm sorry" changes nothing, but for whatever it's worth, I am. I hope that my feelings fade as I hope this groups' healing will grow.
May your future be what you make it...
Mr. Rat
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