A most difficult week, actually a manic range of emotions. We had a situation at work with a student. We have worked so hard to work for the victories, and even harder to overcome the setbacks. We lost this kid this week.
I love my kids so much, pour out my heart and everything I am into these kids. When you make yourself vunerable to another, you risk tremendous loss. It is easy for anybody to hide behind walls, excuses, titles, relationships or whatever the hell is convient. I believe you can only reach an honesty with people, students, parents, kids if you are willing to meet them where they are.
It has been an emotionally exhausting week with this student and things took a traumatic turn towards a negative outcome. It has been extremely heart-wretching. Its like you can still see this student in your minds-eye, but can't reach out to do anything to help them....or yourself.
I do have the problem of caring too much. I would actually err on the side of caring too much rather than not caring enough. Personal life, school life. This was one of the worst parts of my marriage eroding. For years I have been without someone to share the day to day....still am. I have caught glimpses of what it's like, what it's supposed to be like.
Well, I tell myself the hurt goes away...it doesn't. You never forget the ones you lose. You see glimpses of them all over the school. Moments, thoughts, so many experiences that are now only reminders of ghosts. You try to focus on the other kids, but it takes time for the edge to ease. So, it is what it is....or is it?
unconditionally yours,
Dave
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