Randomness

I have made some promises to some people, so I feel obligated to use this resource. In my current life stage, I spend a lot of time alone. Which is to say, when I am not being the moral compass to my high school of about 600 kids. I know, me...moral comapss. I sort of vasicilate between moral compass and rat, thusly...there are times when the smell of cheese is all I know.

Since I left my ex on 5/25/09, I have not wanted to be back with her once. The one thing that I really miss is the ability to share the day to day and have someone revel in it with you and actually care. I did not lose this last May, but prolly closer to 10 years ago. As I approach 42 I realize, I sacrificed my 30's in a dying relationship, staying together for the kids, can't afford to divorce type of situation. It bothers me on several levels...
I'll never get that decade back...it is gone.
By the way...I always will completely accept my half of the divorce blame, so I accept the heat for my side of the blame.
When I find someone who I can share with, and pour my repressed emotional stores on, I will have considerably less time with that person.
I really am not looking for the impossible. My ex stopped asking about how the teams I coached did, in 20 years I could count the times she sat and watch a sport with me on one hand although I 'chick-flicked' or 'lifetime-movied' with her plenty. I would have laid an egg if she ever troubled herself or even paid attention to something as slight as MAN U.

Anyway, I have found a few times when I could share and experience someone actually give a batshit about what happens, and I do long for that.

In '95 I eraned my Master's degree in Secondary Education with a Mid-Management certificate. I actually started interviewing for an Assistant Principal's poistion in '94. I was ready to move my family practically anywhere. I interviewed everywhere from the Houston area, Dallas, East Texas to the outskirts of Austin.
I even got down to the final 2 in two different districts summer '95. To make this point, I have mad interviewing skillz. It got to be the running joke, that I always interviwed great, heard how much they liked me and that I was amazing. Yet, always the bride's maid..... It was always very frustrating to hear you were amazing, but it wasn't you they wanted. This emotionally rollar coaster was an extreme strain on my marriage and no doubt a factor in it dying.

My heart is ripe with such a myriad of emotions at this point in life. To the lady I will find one day...let me make you a promise......
I will take you anytime, place, situation, health, weight, kids or condition.....UNCONDITIONALLY!

Love always,

Dave